Operation: Catch that Chicken

Peaceful Morning Gone Wrong

It was a normal morning on the farm. I had to take T to work, so I got dressed, filled the chicken waterer with fresh water, and headed out to the coop to let the girls out. I unlock Fort Knox and head into the coop. Open the pop door, swap the water, and started heading back to the house when I realized that I forgot to check the food. I turned around.

The Escape Artist Emerges

When I went back into the coop to check the food, I didn’t latch the gate. Normally, this is not a problem, but Eliza was feeling feisty. I know she gave me the side-eye, as she walked over to the gate and pushed it open. Suddenly – boom – she slips out like a feathered ninja and headed for the bean field.

Chaos Ensues

Here I am, running around the yard, chasing after a chicken who hates to be touched. Shooing her away from the beans and yelling toward the house for help. With her sisters cheering her on, she ran all over the back yard – whenever I would get close to her, she would take off again. Finally, I decided to stand still and see if she would come back on her own. Nope, she proceeded to strut around the yard like she just won Survivor: Backyard Edition.

I yelled. I screamed. I cussed. I begged. I cajoled. She kept giving me the head-cocked-chicken-stare as she explored.

Places to Go

I had to run T to work or he was going to be late. I locked up the “good” chickens and left – yelling at the escapee “Fine, stay out here and get eaten!” I drove away with visions of Eliza pooping in the neighbor’s yard across the road dancing through my head.

The Negotiations

I return home to find M outside trying to lure Eliza back to the coop with scratch. Ms. Houdini has returned to the coop and run area, but is still on the outside looking in at her sisters. They were carrying on a chicken-conversation, where I am sure they were planning world domination.

Even though the movies always say to not negotiate, I decided to bribe her. I tore into a piece of string cheese – their favorite treat. She seems interested. She pops her head up. She rounds the corner of the pen closest to the door. I am swinging a piece of cheese like its a lasso trying to get her attention. She comes close. And runs off again.

The Capture (Finally)

I threw some cheese in with the co-conspirers to keep them from rooting for their sister, and then proceed to “chook, chook” at Eliza hoping to catch her attention. I do. The tension builds. We have a staring contest. She gives me more side-head-side-eye attitude. She comes closer. Closer. Closer. I hear M whisper, “throw the cheese toward the door.” I did. She ran full-speed past me toward the door and M shut and latched the gate. I swear, the other chickens looked disappointed the rebellion failed.

I’m starting to think these chickens don’t need me. They need a Netflix deal.